Journal of a Sabbatical

i've got a horse - and i know how to use it

January 9, 1998

Previous Entry Journal Index	x	x	n	still raining again Ponds are appearing where no ponds were before. The pond behind the hardware store is rising. I stepped ankle deep in water on my way to the dumpster a few minutes ago. The meteorologists say this has nothing to do with El Niño, it's just some unusual warm front. I guess I shouldn't complain because only about an hour's drive north of here, it's freezing rain. The Lawrence Eagle Tribune calls it bizarre. We're getting soaked in the valley and the north country is being paralyzed by layers and layers of ice. It just keeps coming - like a faucet that's stuck in the on position. Basically this is just the January thaw in an unusually warm year. Fortunately for folks here in the Merrimack Valley, the ice stopped about an hour north of here up I-93. The north country gets the ice storm of the century, we get nonstop rain. The forecast does call for icing later tonight though. Darn it. i have a horse and i know how to use it Lizzy and Andrea both got toy horses for Christmas. Lizzy is at the "horse phase" age (most little girls go through a horse phase - collecting toy horses, wanting horseback riding lessons, watching movies and reading books about horses.) Andrea's not quite at that stage, but any kind of animal toy is a hit (except the Piglet stuffie she already has :-)). The joints on these horses actually move. Well-articulated. Lizzy was moving the horse into various positions while we were watching today's Full House reruns. I commented on the fact that the joints move: AJ: "Hey, that's pretty cool. The horse's leg joints move." Lizzy: "It's not a Barbie horse." I kid you not. Is this a key developmental step or what?!? The horse is more realistic than Barbie and Lizzy knows it. Later on, Andrea threatened me with her horse when I tried to get her to go to bed. She waved the horse at me, moving its feet and legs in a close approximation of a real horse rearing and kicking, and yelled: "Watch out, I've got a horse and I know how to use it!" This is the first time I have ever been threatened with a toy horse. This clearly beats my threatening a guy with a radio... brain still missing There's still a rubber pork chop where my brain is supposed to be. And not only that, I have a rubber pork chop in place of my lungs and possibly all other internal organs. I know this because when I tried to get Andrea to go to bed tonight, she informed me I would have to yell at her at the top of my lungs like Daddy does (I doubt Kevin does this, btw). Lizzy informed me that indeed I would have to yell at Andrea at the top of my lungs but this would not be possible since my lungs have been replaced by a rubber pork chop. Hunh? I thought it was only my brain. Nope.Lizzy says I have no heart, lungs, liver, kidneys or other internal organs. The only internal organ I have now is a rubber pork chop. Lizzy wants to be a doctor when she grows up - she puts casts on her dolls - so she ought to know. So I did yell at Andrea as loud as I could - while trying not to laugh. Yelling is not my strong suit. Something about all those silent meditation retreats and Buddhist practice, etc. Anyway, I took a deep breath and yelled "Andrea, go to bed right now. Please." so loud I think I sprained my throat. She started giggling. She could not take this seriously. Lizzy claimed I scared Andrea. Who knows. She finally went to bed. i have become my father I can't believe I actually said "Don't count the food!" This is clearly a developmental step indicating that I have become my father. At dinner tonight, Lizzy started doling out the croutons for the salad one at a time, counting them out so that each of us got the same number. It was totally reflexive, I just blurted it out: "Don't count the food!" They both thought that was very funny. I explained that my Dad, their Grandpa, always said that in this sort of situation. So, she continued counting - see how much authority I have in this family? When we each had an equal number of croutons, Andrea began to examine her croutons one by one and exchange any she deemed too flat or otherwise malformed for better ones on my plate. She would simply reach over, take a crouton off my salad, put it on hers, etc.
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