Learning to Dialogue LO10065

Elizabeth Reed-Torrence (ereedtorg@seattleu.edu)
Wed, 18 Sep 1996 20:10:26 -0700 (PDT)

Replying to LO10034 --


The subtlety is that your silence is communicating not suspension as you
see it but any number of other "negative" things that your spouse may
believe about previous communicaton situations applied to current
communication.. Dialogue can only occur when openness is apparent to the
communicator and the recipient... Before dialogue can occur in this
communication situation it seems that new understandings must occur...

On Wed, 18 Sep 1996, Michel, Christopher J wrote:

> >FWIT, active listening is an essential element of dialogue. Another
> >essential element is "suspension" - the act of consciously chosing whether
> >to set aside one's own reactions, thoughts, and feelings as part of the
> >dialogue. Without this choice, we always act from an ego-centric view in
> >the conversation.
> >
> >When we suspend, we have the choice to see from an allo-centric view (from
> >the eyes of another person) or from a macro-centric view (from above, or
> >in the balcony looking down).
> >
> >A thought, does suspension allow us to actively see as well as actively
> >listen?
> I have experienced an interesting dynamic when attempting to engage in
> dialogue. The other participating party (I have often experienced this in
> dialogue with my wife) is expecting immediate feedback to a question which
> I KNOW any response would be a reaction.

Chris this cannot be forced... it needs to flow...

>Participants need to understand
> that periodic silence does not mean that they are being ignored, but
> instead that the active listening has engaged the suspension identified as
> an essential element by David.
> Which raises a question for me, how do we help those participating in the
> dialogue grasp these subtleties?

Long before the current dialogue.

eLIZabeth Reed-Torrence


Elizabeth Reed-Torrence <ereedtor@seattleu.edu>

Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <rkarash@karash.com> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>