Disappointment - No soul? LO11837

rich jones (rjones@pathcom.com)
Sat, 11 Jan 1997 12:49:29 -0500

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Hi everybody,

I'm loving this thread. But are you really causing trouble Sherri? I'm
interested in why you say this, since I don't see your participation as
trouble. One of the things we are striving for on this list surely must be
not labelling/being labelled. Aren't you just being you? It blocks my
receiving your soul if I'm told what it is you're bringing - especial ly
since I have quite a different experience.

Related to this, Ian Saunders wrote:
" =85 being absolutely open is often punished =85"

I believed that for years. In fact I wrote a poem about it:


The 6-year old notices it all at once.
No - eureka - after months of consideration,
no gradual mastery, like speech or walking.
Just this, right now:
- the moon is following the car.
It is final, like the death of a lady bug,
like a grass stain after a tackle,
moon gliding alongside through
crisp-cut sky, silver and liquid and sure.

His parents squeeze eyebrows tight,
draw hissing breath through holes in
English mints, roll eyes moon-ward and
looking through same defrosted windshield,
over same shadowy tree line
see different truth.

And as father grinds the downshift by the
Chinese corner store, and mother braces
for the too-tight turn for home, they decide:
This won't do.
They must extinguish the light of this heresy.

Accelerating to high gear tongues and car
roll over the wonder of tailing moon beams,
parents pitching for compliance before the
crunch of tires in gravel driveway;
- When are you going to grow up, young man? -
Arguing for all the world like it really mattered.
Which it did for them.
And probably still does.

Man, the decisions I made about life from that experience! A life spent
trying to fit in to what others expected of me. It's taken me 43 years to
learn that while being open sometimes brings judgement or "rolled eyes
moon-ward" from others, THAT'S OK. I don't have to protect myself from
that anymore. When I was young, dealing with that rejection felt like
annihilation. But hey, I can handle that pain. I'm not so afraid of it
anymore. For one thing, it sure informs me about myself. Accepting the
truth of my experience - pain, or hurt, or joy - has proven far more
enlivening than any amount of keeping the demons at bay ever was. And has
been the doorway to my soul.

The other result has been quite unexpected - the more myself I am, the
more I also open myself up to love. It's been totally amazing to me that
people could actually see the real me, and then not necessarily try to
harm or punish me. I'd sort of grit my teeth, take a deep breath, express
myself, and then brace myself for the backlash. Which these days is often
not what I expected.

The soul, in an individual or in an organization, does not need to be
created. It is there always, throbbing like some huge machine behind the
barriers of fear and ego and judgement that we erect every day. Perhaps
this list is one of the places where we might uncover it individually, and
then collectively. Man, what would that be like?!


Rich Jones


rich jones <rjones@pathcom.com>

Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <rkarash@karash.com> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>