Disappointment -- No soul? LO11727

Ian Saunders (tpians@cix.compulink.co.uk)
Wed, 8 Jan 97 08:43 GMT0

Replying to LO11711 --

Keep causing trouble..please (And if my memory serves me correctly I hope
that you are fully recovered from the storms you were describing in a post
before Christmas> I cannot check as I had a systems crash so forgive me if
I am addressing the wrong person)

I am sure that you are not the only two. I find lots of the postings
uninteresting ...TO ME...

I find some too long, others unintelligible ..to me

Some wonderful. Wonderful from a number of perspectives.

1. Erudite and concise comments about things I find of value
2. Comments from the heart and soul
3. Pleas for help

I must beware of intellectualising and not answering your question

I believe (it is certainly so for me in many situations) that I am
frightened of 'baring my soul' I am learning to overcome this and for me
this list helps me do that BECAUSE the contact is not face to face Face to
face contact is the scariest of all (or can be, just as it can be the most

I find being absolutely open is often punished so I am wary of it in some
situations and like you believe that we have to overcome this.

So I keep trying. And trying and trying, making mistakes and still trying.
Sometimes I make a big mistake and the reaction lasts a long time. For
instance I ran a workshop a year ago, almost to the day, which in my
opinion went poorly. The client thought it was OK, at least that's what
they said at the time and then I began to get feedback that they were
saying different things behind my back. I found this difficult to cope
with as my as I found the client not helping us at the workshop difficult
as their staff were becoming increasingly aggressive towards us (I was
co-facilitating). I can still feel very bad about it.

It highlights my personal style of wanting to be liked and keep things
going forwards smoothly. This is not always possible and when it goes off
the rails I get scared.

I am shaking (no bullshit, feeling flushed and hot) as I type this
wondering what your reaction will be, what other's reaction will be. I am
getting a very clear feeling of why it is difficult to be from the heart

Back in control (interesting word to use!) We (IMO) get so little support
in many situations that we don't open up. If we were generally supported
more and so were able to build up 'credits' of confidence then being more
open and being OK with whatever the consequences gets easier.

I have a wonderful colleague with whom I am completely open. We support
each other continually. I stupidly thought it would be easy to replicate
this relationship with others. This has not been the case. I continually
find I am having to work very hard with most people to maintain an OK
relationship. I long for the day when this is not necessary.

I feel that I am beginning to ramble.

(I don't know how to end this and am beginning to feel frightened again,
so I shall stop typing.)

Thanks for the opportunity to say this.


Ian Saunders
Transition Partnerships - Harnessing change for business advantage


tpians@cix.compulink.co.uk (Ian Saunders)

Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <rkarash@karash.com> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>