> From: "Michel, Christopher J" <michec@uh2297p01.daytonoh.ncr.com>
> Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 09:34:00 EDT
> Subject: Learning to Dialogue LO10034
> ....Participants [in dialogues] need to understand
> that periodic silence does not mean that they are being ignored, but
> instead that the active listening has engaged the suspension identified as
> an essential element by David.
>
> Which raises a question for me, how do we help those participating in the
> dialogue grasp these subtleties?
Chris,
Obviously, one first has to be aware that communication is an imperfect
process between people. A general knowledge of communication skills and
dialogue is a basic prerequisite. If someone does not understand the
process, some basic teaching is in order.
Once people know the basics, I suggest they engage in a parallel
"meta-dialogue": a running, mostly silent commentary on the _process_ of
communication. If one is aware that an action (such as silence) is likely
to be misinterpreted, then one can comment on it out loud (e.g., "Hold on
a second, I've got to think about what you've said."). If one thinks that
the other person is acting in a non-productive manner, then one can ask
for a clarification (e.g., "Excuse me, but I can't tell if you're thinking
or just ignoring me.").
The skill of "meta-dialogue" is learned, so as it becomes more automatized
people find it is easier to focus on the content and to be aware of the
process at the same time. When I work with couples in my psychotherapy
practice, I often act like a coach on a practice field - periodically
stopping the action to comment on it, giving people time to think about
their actions and their choices, asking if they noticed something,
suggesting possibilities if they can't figure a situation out on their
own. In a sense, I have the "meta-dialogue" running in my head, while
(hopefully) providing just enough structure to keep the process productive
while allowing them the freedom to take risks and to learn from their
mistakes.
Regards,
Jeff
--Jeff Brooks <BrooksJeff@AOL.com>
Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <rkarash@karash.com> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>