On 6 Jul 96 at 21:21, Terri Deems wrote:
> Acknowledging that trust has a relationship with actions (as has
> already been pointed out by others), could you elaborate a bit more
> on communicating at the macro level? Would also be interested in
> hearing more about "the nature of language/communication that
> creates trust." What is it about our language that can enhance
> either trust or distrust? I've my own guesses, but am assuming
> you've done far more work in this area than I have.
Some context. We have been thousands of government staff how to deal with
hostile, abusive clientele, and one thing we noticed was that those that
ENTERED the seminar very good at it talked differently than those that did
not. While they may have different "personalities", that we couldn't
change, but what we could help people with was learning how to use
language that had a better probability of building bridges, rather than
inciting problems.
I can provide you with the general characteristics of confrontational
language--the characteristics of cooperative language are essentially the
opposite.
>From Communcating Cooperatively In The Workplace Help Card (Bacal &
Associates, 1996), Copyright Robert Bacal, Permission granted to reproduce
provided copyright notice is included. (Sorry for the legalese!)
Confrontational Language (Type One)
sounds blaming rather than aimed at solving problems.
focuses on the past, not the present or future
uses absolutes like always, never, etc
attempts to prove other person wrong
does not provide others with chance to save face (an out)
includes words and phrases that are emotionally hot.
sounds like you believe you could not possibly be wrong.
includes words like outght", "should", "must"
includes direct or implied commands
indicates a sense of mistrust of the other person
tends to be non-responsive and non-acknowledging.
These are mostly general characteristics, but each has macro examples
associated with them, which would take a very long text to go through. We
invite people to add to the list of confrontational or cooperative
characteristics--we are sure there are more. We incorporate the
cooperative language principles in our team development consulting,
defusing hostility seminars, and presenting to difficult, hostile groups
seminars. We have been asked to apply the concepts to couples, coaches,
etc.....so little time.
Robert Bacal, CEO, Institute For Cooperative Communication
dbt359@freenet.mb.ca, Located in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
(204 888-9290.
--"Robert Bacal" <dbt359@freenet.mb.ca>
Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <rkarash@karash.com> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>