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When I started this I the only definite plans I had were Natalie Goldberg's writing workshop in New Mexico and my dream trip to the Galapagos. Beyond that I figured I'd write whatever came out the pen, travel to all those places on my "I've always wanted to go..." list, and restore my totally burned out workaholic soul. Well, I did go to New Mexico & the Galapagos and both were better than I imagined. I am writing whatever comes out the pen but it seems to be taking a long time to converge on something I could describe as a project. As for the travel, well, that really didn't happen. The whole time I was in New Mexico I worried that Steven would die before I got back. The whole time I was in the Galapagos I gritted my teeth and suppressed my worries about Steven and my worries about Kathleen and my guilt at taking time for myself when the rest of the family was in turmoil. I knew I wasn't doing enough to help. I didn't know I could never do enough. So, I wrote a lot in cheap notebooks, threw myself into family stuff and volunteer work and postponed (either actively or passively) plans for any real kind of active focused sabbatical. The summer of '95 was a learning experience, just not the one I'd planned. Life is never what you plan. You only think it is. Now that things have settled down, I am trying to salvage the idea of a sabbatical. To do the things I shoulda done and to analyze and process what I actually did.
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Watch this space for selected highlights of Sabbatical Phase 1 culled from my stack of cheap notebooks. |