The First Tetraploid Church Of Christ, Hybridizer

Last updated 10/25/07.

[I've long found evangelical Christianity intruding upon daylily activities such as the daylily email robin to be both obnoxious and comical. About two years ago, I thought up this little satire. It isn't anti-religious: I just want it to be a funny comment about how ridiculous it is to mix the two fields of religion and daylilies.]


I'd like to introduce you to the "First Tetraploid Church Of Christ, Hybridizer".

Many of you might not realize the close association between God and daylilies, and the dire danger to immortal souls that could result from ignorance of the teachings of Jesus and the prophets about daylilies.

Our church was founded in the Tetraploid Reformation, to correct the damnable abuses and heresies practiced beforehand. Instead, we hearken back to the fundamental meanings of the inerrant Holy Register and Journal, both the Diploid and Tetraploid Testaments of the Checklist. (Though the Diploid Testament has been fulfilled by Jesus.)

Our faith is rooted in the teachings of Jesus and the Prophets as recorded in the inerrant Daylily Journal.

The Ten Commandments Of The Prophet Stout:

  1. Thou shalt not have companion plants before me.
  2. Thou shalt not make false-color images of thy seedlings.
  3. Thou shalt not name seedlings in vain.
  4. Remember the auction day to keep it holy.
  5. Honor thy pollen and pod parents, that they shall set abundant seed.
  6. Thou shalt not compost named varieties.
  7. Thou shalt not pollenate indiscriminately.
  8. Thou shalt not raid other gardens.
  9. Thou shalt not diss other hybridizer's new introductions.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's seedlings, nor his breeding stock, nor his soil, nor his irrigation system, nor his shade house.

Our primary doctrine is that all daylilies germinate with the original sin of being unregistered. Only by regermination through the power of Jesus in the Holy Registry can this sin be expunged. Thus sayeth the prophets (DJ, W/S 97 p43.)

It is written that the end times are near, and when Jesus returns, he will bring blue daylilies.

While awaiting the end times, we continually battle to save souls from many damning evils:

In conclusion, please remember that it's prayer to Jesus that makes the daylilies grow.

May the blessings of the popularity poll fall upon you and yours!

In the name of the Anther, the Stigma, and the Holy Pollinator, aHEM.

Return to Mike Huben's Garden Page

Counter image omitted. visitors since 6/14/00.