In LO11077 David wrote:
> 2) We are born as
> infants and therefore, immediately need others to survive. The "social
> feeling" and relationships with others are the first experiences of
> security for the infant. Therefore, we are social beings, socially
> embedded and we have a need to belong in the context of relationships.
> Because of the reality of death, we must replicate ourselves by conceiving
> and birthing children in the context of sex, love, family and community
> relationships.
and
> These concepts lead us further to the principle that "Equality is the
> iron-clad logic of social living" (Alfred Adler, MD) and all of the
> individual and interpersonal sub-principles that are derived from that.
> If this principle were understood and accepted completely, we would
> currently have no Army sexist nor a Texaco racial problem. Just my two
> cents worth.
In viewing a life as a system of events, relationships, and constructions
based on these experiences, I don't think we can underestimate the
importance of the interplay between factors in producing what is.
To address the specific point above, we are born helpless infants who must
depend upon others. When we are hungry, someone else must provide food and
place it into our bodies. Without this we die. This is a great place to
begin the idea of social behavior. It is also the craadle in which fear
is born. What if that person doesn't bring me food? I am hungry NOW and
they aren't giving me food. What am I to do? The act of crying when
hungry is as much an expression of fear as it is an act of communication.
As we continue on to become even more social beings we continue to grow
fear. What if they don't like me? What if they make fun of the clothes I
wear? Will they accept me if I don't do what they want me to do? Among
other things, it is the fear of rejection that keeps us from deviating
from the norm. it is also the fear of rejection that keeps us from
deciding to take accountability for our actions. It is so much easier to
keep our head down, stay one of the flock, and blame "them" for whatever
is going wrong.
It is a very difficult act to rise above the fear that comes with
socialization and decide to truly make a difference. There are countless
stories of people who are told that they dan't do that or this won't make
a difference, or that their ideas will never work, only to go on and
succeed in spite of their well-meaning critics. It is truly difficult to
decide to be(come) accountable for your acts.
I have found that we fear that which we don't understand. That which we
fear threatens us. We attack that which threatens us in an attempt to
reduce it to a lesser or menial form. This is the essence, IMHO, of most
of our social problems today. It also gets in the way of being a LO.
I have a 17-year-old son who is trying to cope with the dynamics of
intergender relationships. I have told him that boys are basically scared
of girls. They don't understand them and are therefore frightened off
them. Therefore, they try to hurt them by labeling them or denigrating
them to the role of sex objects. Because of societal expectations, when a
boy has a relationship with a girl they are often thought to have sexual
relations, as well. Simply being friends means that there is something
wrong with you.
On the other hand, girls are scared of boys (I also have a 15-year-old
daughter). They don't understand them and are therefore frightened of
them. Since girls are being "ignored" by the boys and, when they DO get
involved, are frequently talked about in less-than-flattering terms, and
end up on the losing end of things, they often form stronger relationships
with other girls. Once established, these peer relationships can stand in
the way allowing a relationship with a boy develop because of fear of
rejection by the other girls in her group. When they do decide to ignore
the response of other girls, they often find themselves in a situation of
dependency upon the boys.
Take this to an "adult" level and I think you can see the makings of the
recent, buit by no means new, sexual abuse scandal the Army is dealing
with. Substitute race or ethnicity for intergender relationships and you
can see the seeds of most racial problems. The same with socioeconimic
problems.
Fear is the key.
For what it's worth.
--Clyde Howell orgpsych@csra.net
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