Michael McMaster wrote -
> He describes being the facilitator between some rival gang members who
> were killing each other:
>
> "You want to kill the other person?"
> "You bet I do."
> "Well, I think I can understand that. It must be a great pleasure to
> be able to gain revenge. Revenge is such a wonderful thing. It is
> so full of sweetness."
> "How do YOU understand it so well?"
> "I haven't had your life but I do know what it's like to gain
> revenge. The trouble is, it's never sweet enough."
> and before they knew it, they had a common ground.
>
> The common ground was provided by someone who could be present to both
> sides and include them both and not marginalize or "make wrong" either
> side. My own interpretation is that this is extremely powerful because it
> is manifest in one person and therefore seen as possible for any person.
I agree that the facilitator did not marginalize, but I believe that
the cause of his success can be more completely explained.
Every person acts in a way which they believe is correct. Their
decisions are not made out of trying to be bad, but are in response
to the facts as they see them and to the same basic hopes, fears,
cares and woes which we all share. Any facilitator or problem solver,
such as a person in authority, must approach another person's
behavior using the same approach - to first accept and openly express
the rationales which would justify the action taken and remark on
their obvious appeal to what might be right.
This approach relaxes the person(s) involved and removes tendencies
to be defensive since there is nothing to be defensive about. This
removes emotions to the greatest extent possiible and permits those
involved to more objectively review their own process - the facts,
needs and values which they used to arrive at their actions. Most of
the time, the problem solver can get those involved to realize that
their actions fall short of their own value standards and do not meet
their own needs.
Therefore, admission by others that every person is always trying to
do what is right for themselves and that we all have similar needs
and values (not what we value because of our values, but the values
themselves), is the oil which permits introspection to occur. All
other approaches cause us to pull up the drawbridge and fire the
moat.
Regards, Joan
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joan Pomo The Finest Tools for Managing People
Simonton Associates Based on the book
jpomo@gate.net "How to Unleash the Power of People"
About the book go to http://pages.prodigy.com/DMHD39A (use caps)
--"jpomo@gate.net" <jpomo@gate.net>
Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <rkarash@karash.com> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>