At 12:10 05/06/96 EDT, J. Martin Hays,wrote:
>I see as a significant challenge the creation of a culture in which
>individuals can come to feel comfortable being constructively
>confrontational. It is sometimes as hard to call into question as it is
>to be challenged. Few of us do this well. There are few models to learn
>from. And, all the theory in books loses utility fast when it comes time
>to put it to the test.
>
>Practicing approaches to inquiry as opposed to advocacy is just one way.
>Asking questions, however necessary, are insufficient, as they can be as
>full of criticism and presumption as direct statements. If anyone has an
>honest, constructive alternative response to perceived criticism and
>threat to ego than defensiveness and counter-bashing, I'd like to hear
>about it.
It's late at night to respond to this post, but I'm moved, so here goes -
Midnight philosophy from the great rock, Yellowknife, NWT Canada.
My experience says that the most effective answer to this is a heart
rather than a head or technique answer. If I have a high sense of
self-worth and compassion for the other, I have no reason to be defensive
or aggressive, and every reason to look for the 'truth' behind the other's
statements/claims. Without this foundation, even the most skilled, using
the best technique is likely to stumble into escalated 'debate/defense'.
As you say, practise helps. I refer to my work at effective communication
as practise, because I do it often, I'm still learning, and it's OK to
screw up when I'm practising.
Sue Starr Yellowknife, NT Canada
--Susan Starr <starr@internorth.com>
Learning-org -- An Internet Dialog on Learning Organizations For info: <rkarash@karash.com> -or- <http://world.std.com/~lo/>