"He said, when I encounter resistance to an idea
or approach that I am suggesting, I stop and think, What is it about this
person's experience and his/her current situation that makes him or her
react this way? What can I learn about this person's experience and
situation such that I can frame a response to meet his or her perspective?
"Wow. What a powerful idea. This starting point takes personal
responsibility and gives respect to the individual. I saw it as an
example of starting with the assumption that every person is doing the
best they can given their experience and the context in which they are
operating."
I have believed strongly in the value of this starting assumption since I
was first exposed to it in the 1970's. Since then, I have observed over
and over and over that there IS an internal logic to how people respond to
a situation, if one just looks hard enough. We tend to label behavior we
don't understand as 'irrational' at best, or 'idiotic' at worst. The term
"resistance" has embedded in it an assumption about the rationality (lack
of) of someone who chooses that path. I am here to testify that this
respectful assumption Diane describes is incredibly valuable in building a
person's resourcefulness in working with groups.
Marilyn Darling
mdarling@warren.med.harvard.edu