There's not a trace of the
feeling of "the doom of InfiniBand" and "the doom of
Starship Startup" that I described in yesterday's
entry anywhere in the
November/December entries from last year though I
remember struggling against them at the time. I browsed
some more through past entries trying to locate the exact
moment at which my life fell apart. I didn't find it. Not
a trace. I guess it wasn't a sudden thing happening all
at once but a gradual decline. Maybe I should consult
some kindergarteners in Kentucky to find out what new
technology I should hitch my wagon to. Either that or be
first in line when the bait shop is hiring come fishing
season. I wonder if there are any openings at Emergency
Ice Co. on Bridge Rd.
I'm actually not sure why what
seems to be coming out the ends of my fingers onto the
page is so gloomy. I don't feel particularly depressed
despite the overcast skies and the fact that I have not
been out of my house at all for two days for no apparent
reason. Well, no apparent reason except that the buses
don't run on Sunday here off the edge of the universe,
which doesn't explain why I didn't go anywhere on
Saturday except that I didn't need scallions or anything.
I was much more pessimistic about the economy and the
costs of war last winter. I'm pessimistic about my future
because I'm too old to work in high-tech anymore and too
young to qualify for social security and medicare and my
therapist thinks I'm joking about getting a job in a bait
shop. I took one of those online skills inventory things
at one or another of the job hunting sites and found that
the careers I am most suited for are executive management
(been there, done that, got the t-shirts), middle
management, management management, engineering, and
geology. Geology? There weren't any questions about rocks
on the inventory. Maybe geology is the career for me. I
can just see me in the oil fields of some forsaken Middle
Eastern desert or frozen Siberian tundra...
We are still at war, or excitement,
despite the end of formal hostilities. But the economy is
rebounding according to the numbers, proving that you
can so have both guns and butter.
I got up from writing this and went
downstairs to watch the 11:00 news. When I saw that two
civilian contractors were blown up in Iraq I had to come
back up here and check the CNN web site to see if they
were from BiB's company even though I know he's home in
Hungary. They weren't. They're still dead though. And
they are somebody's brother, son, father, boyfriend ...
just like all the soldiers in the helicopter that got
shot down are brothers/sisters, sons/daughters,
mothers/fathers... if war is the answer what was the
question?
