separate thoughts

February 4, 2003


I notice that Miriam Nadel's entry on the loss of the shuttle Columbia makes the connection between space exploration and seafaring. I'd been thinking along those lines also, probably because after this year's Moby Dick reading I immersed myself in stories of actual New Bedford whalers. Almost the first thing I noticed in those stories was the acceptance of danger and loss. Going to sea in ships was and still is dangerous business. Going to space is dangerous business. Going to war is dangerous business. Mankind has been seafaring for thousands of years. Mankind has been going to war for even longer. However, mankind has only been space-faring for a few decades.

We have more experience with the costs of seafaring. We have the Seamen's Bethel and the Gloucester Fisherman's Memorial to remind us of the lives lost and the danger faced. You really have to see the cenotaphs in the Seamen's Bethel in New Bedford. The first thing that strikes you is that the dates are not all centuries or even decades ago. The next thing that strikes you is that the reason the plaques are there on the walls of the church is that the families had no bodies to bury. Their mortal remains sank in the vast sea. And when you're done with New Bedford, drive on up to Gloucester and run your fingers over the names of the crew of the Andrea Gail on the fisherman's memorial. The Andrea Gail went down in 1991. It was a swordfishing boat. You might have seen the movie, The Perfect Storm. It gives you a dose of reality to see the names and dates on the memorial. Think of them the next time you go out for a seafood dinner.

Our experience with the costs of spacefaring is more limited and more recent. The Challenger and Apollo 1 are already seared into our memories. I can recall everything about where I was, who I was with, and what was said when we heard that the Challenger blew up on takeoff. And now we have lost the Columbia. Maybe we should inscribe their names on the walls of the National Air and Space Museum: all the astronauts and cosmonauts lost in the pursuit of knowledge of the universe we live in. Think of them when you look at the moon, planets, and stars.

I found that I couldn't write about anything else until I wrote about the Columbia, and I found that it took a few days for my thoughts to cohere. For me that's one of the big problems in trying to write an online journal. I can't whip off a coherent essay on something as it's happening. I need to reflect, write a draft, revise, reflect, and revise a little more until the essay makes sense. I envy journallers who are able to turn out a well-crafted essay every day on matters of depth and consequence or even about the deeper meanings of the ordinary unfolding of their everyday lives.

When I read the recovery entry aloud to Nancy, she pointed out some things that would have made clearer what I disliked about the approach The Connection took to faith based recovery and suggested that I try to rework it. I tried to say that people don't rework journal entries. What's there is there. Then I thought that I would simply write a whole new entry on the same topic, essentially a revision explicitly presented as a revision. But in the light of such an overwhelming public event as the loss of the Columbia, I couldn't bring myself to post a new whiny entry about my own petty problems. Now I realize the entry may have been whiny but the problem isn't petty and maybe a coherent essay on the topic of the intertwining of issues that I touched on in that entry would be worth doing. Some other time. I'll put it on the list.

And while I'm reflecting on previous entries with separate thoughts, apropos of the January 21 entry a friend reflected that we are always relieved when it's someone else's brother that got shot. It's human nature. A lot of lives are going to be lost in the upcoming war, American and Iraqi. Those are brothers, fathers, sisters, mothers, sons, and daughters to someone. Think of that when the bombing starts.

Today's Reading
The Measure of All Things by Ken Alder, Winter World by Bernd Heinrich, Married to the Job by Ilene Philipson

This Year's Reading
2003 Book List


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Copyright © 2003, Janet I. Egan