the denouement (sort of)

September 29, 2001

Adopt these cats at Merrimack River Feline Rescue Society

Today's Starting Pitcher:
Sheesh, I listened to the game and can't remember who pitched or what the score was. The Red Sox are becoming like wallpaper.

Today's Reading:
The Unveiling of Lhasa by Edmund Candler

This Year's Reading:
2001 Book List




Summer and Snowflake

When I got home yesterday I had a voice mail message from Stacy about Jaguar. The gist of it was that his condition had deteriorated and Jackie might have to make the decision to euthanize him. She (Jackie) wanted to be sure I got a chance to say my farewells to him this weekend just in case, while she awaits his blood work. I felt stricken. I mean I always knew he wasn't going to live forever, that he's been on borrowed time for over two years now, but suddenly I felt it in my gut not just knew it in my head.

Jaguar and I go back a long way, to the first day I volunteered at the cat shelter. He scratched me. Drew blood. We became fast friends. He used to sit on top of the fridge. That was the high status perch before we got the big yellow bucket. As Jaguar got older, he spent more time on top of the dryer, but he always liked simply looking out the window of the laundry room the best.

So when I started my sabbatical I got this idea that maybe I would write a book about it. I figured that the combined narrative threads of which of my dying relatives would die first and whether Jaguar would ever get adopted would balance each other and make the pages worth turning. Or something. At the moment I can't find the notebook in which I wrote that scenario. I gave up the idea of writing anything other than this journal at some point, and Jaguar did get adopted, and I did finally go back to work, but somehow I just kept on believing Jaguar would live forever.

Heck of a denouement.

I talked to Dawna on the phone first thing this morning to get the veterinary news on Jaguar and to get Jackie's phone number since I seemed to have only her old one. I couldn't get hold of Jackie so went on in to the shelter to do the pictures of new cats for the web site and find out who's been adopted so we can take them off the web site. That adorable Yoda has found a home. I knew he would find one soon.

I took pictures of a few new cats. Lily is sweet. The former ferals are cute. Poor Grady is kind of mean. He growled at me when I tried to take his picture. A note on his cage said "very mad".

I talked to Dorothy about what a suitable memorial for Jaguar would be. Stacy had asked if I wanted the plaque to sponsor a cage that I donated last week in memory of Miss Newburyport to be in memory of both of them. That just doesn't seem right. Jaguar should have a room or a whole building named after him.

After I talked to Dorothy I finally got hold of Jackie and arranged to visit with Jaguar this afternoon. She wanted pictures so I brought my camera.

I took pictures, which are on display in the Jaguar Gallery.

I petted him, talked to him, just sort of communed with him. Jackie and her family graciously let me have some time alone with him their son's room so I could say my goodbyes privately. Old Jaguar definitely recognized me. He let me stroke him under the chin like he always enjoyed. He perked up and groomed himself. I sang to him this silly little song I made up for him years ago when I was making up songs for some of the shelter cats. I have no idea if he hears me. It just made me feel better to remind myself of all the little moments we shared.

I'm sure Jaguar will somehow let Jackie know when his suffering becomes too much. I'm glad I got to have some time with him today.


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Copyright © 2001, Janet I. Egan