THE BALLAD OF SIR GLENN by Oakes Spalding Listen, my children, and you will hear The tale of what happened out on the pier. How all was lost, and then was not Just of a pod, but of cash not a lot. Sir Glenn and Sir Oakes slept very warm Dreaming of Godwits before the alarm. Of Dickcissels also and Eagles perhaps, But with a jingle their dream world collapsed. "Arise, Sir Oakes, from your cozy bed, We're going to look for a gull with black head." Sir Oakes looked up with blodshot eyes, "I'll do it", he said, "it'll be a great prize." "Take gloves and hat and furry coat, Take pencils our sightings to make note, And I'll make sure not to takeoffski Without my pod and my trusted Swarofski." Out to the parking lot, with baggage complete, Big Eva and Herman they soon did meet. For the girlies, however, they had to wait. Goodness gracious, they're always so late! Off went the caravan full of hopes Carrying binos and telescopes. Big Eva, the girlies, all female, Sir Glenn, Sir Oakes, and Herman the Frail. They parked the car and out they did walk To the harbor and then to the tip of the dock. Sir Glenn set up his scope to peer For a red-legged gull with Black o'er the ear. Through the lens of his scope many birds passed, Some very slowly and some very fast Not a one was the one he came to see. Perhaps he had picked the wrong stratagee. But wait! This one is different than some Of the Bonaparte's Gulls which frequently come To the posts of that pier to spend their time Dreaming of fishes and nutritive slime. "I sharpen my eyes, I unhinge my brain. I focus and focus and focus again. Is this the bird for which I search Or didn't I pray enough in my church?" "The bill and the legs, they are so red! This must be the gull with black on its head!" He cried in triumph, "I've got the bird!" So loudly that even the deaf could have heard. Then Sir Oakes, Big Eva, and girlies all Peered thorugh the Swarofski, having a ball. And even Herman, a long way away, Wheeled up in his chair to enjoy the display. But then the wind it started to blow. It was cold- it felt like twenty below. The dock shook- the gulls screeched in fear They'd be blown off their spots on the posts of the pier. Steadfast, Sir Glenn continued to stare Through his trusted Swarofski at the spectacle there. And then he paused to consider his luck. "Tis better", he said, "than a Muscovy Duck." Removing his hand from his Swarofski so dear, He strutted with joy and issued a cheer, "Oh Rapture, Oh Bliss ----- Oh Shitzen, I think My Swarofski is falling into the drink!" Then after his scope he made a great lunge Screaming an oath which I will expunge But Eva, alert to a danger such, Caught him and held him in resolute clutch. Said Eva, "To swim, you would certainly freeze From the top of your head to the caps of your knees, And your ankles, your shins, and the tips of your toes. And there would be no breath in and out of your nose." Sir Glenn then uttered a great many damns. Swarofskis they cost two thousand of clams. "Without my Swarofski, what will I do When distant birds I wish to view?" He watched the bubbles and started to cry When out of a corner of teary eye He saw the Swarofski wedged in the quay. "Oh Rapture! Oh Bliss! Hip.Hip,Hooray!" So it turned out that all was not lost Just a Manfrotto pod, just a hundred in cost. Said Sir Glenn with most beautiful smirk, "If I'd lost my scope, they'd have called me a jerk!" But now I can bird with the noble Sir Oakes And all of the other birdwatching folks And go birding again in quest of a quail With Eva, the girlies, and Herman the Frail.
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Last revised: Feb. 16, 2012