Quotes

• Comment from Heinlein about the possibility of a religious dictator of the USA.

• ``All at once, I think, it came to him that the lecturer must remain standing in the square, on a rickety soapbox, and speak at the top of his lungs, and be heckled by boobs . . . but the storyteller sits in cross-legged comfort in the shade, and his listeners crowd round to hear him whisper, offering beer for his sore throat. And when he is done, they give him money, without him even asking.'' [Spider Robinson; Introduction to ``For Us, the Living'', Scribner, 2004]

• ``Take sex away from people. Make it forbidden, evil. Limit it to ritualistic breeding. Force it to back up into suppressed sadism. Then hand the people a scapegoat to hate. Let them kill a scapegoat occasionally for cathartic release. The mechanism is ages old. Tyrants used it centuries before the word `psychology' was ever invented. It works, too.'' [Zeb, in ``If This Goes On...'' by Robert Heinlein.] (For some reason, this quote makes me think of Rush Limbaugh.)

• ``It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command forces, and our most gifted and brilliant to edit newspapers. In fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these editor/geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late. Accordingly, I am readily willing to yield my command to these obviously superior intellects, and I will, in turn, do my best for the Cause by writing editorials - after the fact.'' [Robert E. Lee, 1863]

• ``What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?'' [The Doctor, from the fortune program]

• ``Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.'' [the fortune program]

• ``There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.'' [Ken Olson, President of DEC, World Future Society Convention, 1977 (the fortune program)]

• Santa Claus wears a Red Suit,
          He must be a communist.
  And a beard and long hair,
          Must be a pacifist.
  
          What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
                  -- Arlo Guthrie
  

  [the fortune program]

• [Diminutive Caesar from Farber's IP list.]

• ``Americans will always do the right thing, after they've exhausted all the other alternatives.'' [Churchill]

• ``A Conservative believes nothing should be done for the first time.'' [Lynwood L. Giacomini, from the Quote of the Day list, 2/24/2]

• From the West Wing

  President Bartlet (Martin Sheen): I like how you call homosexuality an abombination.
  Jenna Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President, the Bible does.
  President Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.
  Jenna Jacobs: 18:22.
  President Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophmore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? "Think about that, will you? Oh, and one last thing. You may have mistaken this for your meeting of the ignorant tight-asses club but in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.
  

  [grabbed from this web page]

• ``The very fact that a state department of motor vehicles somehow figured in a story of international terrorism reflects a conflict in our country's approach to official ID documents. In theory, we don't require any, but in practice we do: to open bank accounts, to cash checks, collect train tickets or board airplanes. Some Americans carry passports, but most show a driver's license. So, informally, we've assigned a task of guaranteeing who we are and where we live to agencies that really care more about whether we know to signal when changing lanes, and in Virginia, that clash of priorities kept the door to fraud wide open long after the fraud had been discovered.'' [Robert Siegel, from 12 minutes into an NPR archived segment about fraud in the Virginia DMV, from All Things Considered, 10/18/2001.]

• ``We have to close deals here and you're definitely not going to close a multi-million dollar deal on the telephone or through the fax machine. You know, we just got a customer yesterday in Seattle and I'm in Atlanta and we went out there twice and they came here once I know of and that deal would never have been closed if we couldn't have gotten on an airplane.'' [2:30 into Cliff Oxford of STI Knowledge on NPR's Morning Edition, 11/15/2001.]

• ``I have one slogan to offer.  It's the regime, stupid.  [bin Laden] and his organization are mosquitoes.  They carry a lethal disease.  You don't deal with malaria by swatting the mosquitoes.  You drain the swamp.'' [R. James Woolsey, former Director of Central Intelligence; from a friend of mine]

• ``In other venues the Forces of ASN.1 have claimed much higher compression - from 200 bytes to 6.  My response is that MD5 is guaranteed to compress *any* bit stream of any length to 16 bytes and is only marginally harder to decode than some of the more insane forms of ASN.1.'' [Phillip Hallam-Baker FBCS C.Eng.; Principal Scientist; VeriSign Inc.] [CME: Of course, in my opinion, normal ASN.1 is almost that hard to decode :) and messy to encode as well.]

• ``Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master.  Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible action.'' [George Washington, referenced by Gene Spafford]

• ``Every technology goes through three stages: first, a crudely simple and quite unsatisfactory gadget; second, an enormously complicated group of gadgets designed to overcome the shortcomings of the original and achieving thereby somewhat satisfactory performance through extremely complex compromise; third, a final stage of smooth simplicity and efficient performance based on correct understanding of natural laws and proper design therefrom.'' [Robert A. Heinlein, The Rolling Stones, Scribner's, 1952, p.52.]

• ``The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -- it is the illusion of knowledge.'' [Daniel Boorstin; quoted on the Quote of the Day mailing list, 11/6/01]

• Conventional signatures are weakly bound to the document and strongly bound to the human signer; digital signatures are weakly bound to the human signer and strongly bound to the document. [Matt Blaze, 2000; rough quote, heard personally rather than read]
• ``Any one who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.'' [John von Neumann, 1951, quoted by Knuth]
• ``A commercial CA protects you from anyone whose money it refuses to take.'' [Matt Blaze, RSA 2000 Conference hallway discussion]
• ``The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.'' [Robert R. Coveyou, Oak Ridge National Laboratory]
• ``I don't like secrets.  I'd rather owe money.  You can't pay back a secret.'' [narrator, Robert Heinlein's Time for the Stars, p. 52, Scribner, 1956.]
• ``Half of wisdom is learning what to unlearn.'' [Larry Niven's The Ringworld Throne, p. 31, Del Rey] [is this some older aphorism?]

• ``You have asked me if I knew the name of the assassin.  I do.  The mere knowing of his name is a small thing, however, compared with the power of laying our hands upon him.'' [Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, ``A Study in Scarlet'', Holmes speaking.]

• ``Reason is poor propaganda when opposed by the yammering, unceasing lies of shrewd and evil and self-serving men.  The little man has no way to judge and the shoddy lies are packaged more attractively.'' [Robert Heinlein, Assignment In Eternity, p.63, Fantasy Press, Reading PA, 1953. {Kettle-Belly Baldwin speaking, in the story ``Gulf''}]

• ``But, as you know, the Russian language has no adequate translation for the word 'privacy.''' [Andrei Sibrant, marketing director of Glasnet, a pioneer of low-cost Internet access in Russia.]

• ``Because if they went through the standard program, there would be no way to prevent foreign agents from downloading the 128-bit version and using it to commit acts of banking!'' [Nat Gertler; RISKS 19.72]

• ``I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you recover your keys.'' [from the .sig of Jeanne DeVoto]

• ``Secrecy and a free, democratic government don't mix.'' [Harry S. Truman, quoted in Merle Miller's "Plain Speaking"].

• ``They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.'' [Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania [1759]]

• ``The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion.'' [Edmund Burke, Speech at County Meeting of Buckinghamshire [1784]]

• ``The great masses of the people . . . will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one.'' [Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf [1933]]

• ``It is true that liberty is precious -- so precious that it must be rationed.'' [Vladimir Ilyich Lenin [1936]]

• ``Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings.'' [Heinrich Heine (1823)]

• ``Lack of respect --- Wrong attitude --- Failure to obey authority ----- The Farm, immediately.'' [Jason Robards' character, as head of The Committee in Topeca, pronouncing a death sentence; from the movie, ``A Boy and his Dog''.]

• ``Daddy ... if your data is your own property, does it become less your property after you encrypt it?'' [Speaker at the NIST workshop, quoting his young son, September 6-7, 1995]

• I asked keynote speaker and one-time presidential candidate John Anderson at the 1995 RSA Conference: ``Do US citizens have the right to attempt to keep a secret from the government?''

  John Anderson: ``[...] Yes, of course they do.''

• ``The government can have my crypto key when it pries it from my cold, dead neurons.'' [John Perry Barlow, ca. 1991]

• ``This is the Army, you eightball.  Justice is what the US Government tells you it is.'' [M*A*S*H TV episode, an officer from HQ speaking to Hawkeye]

• ``Government is like a baby.  An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.'' [Ronald Reagan]

• ``Encryption software distribution via Internet, bulletin board, or modem does not undermine the effectiveness of encryption export controls.'' [Vice Admiral J. M. McConnell, DIRNSA; written reply to the Senate Subcommittee on Technology and the Law, from their May 3, 1994 hearings.]

• ``"Eternal Vigilance Is The Price of Liberty" used to mean we watched the government - not the other way around.'' [Bill Stewart, quoted by Jim Ebright]

• ``[...] The thought was infuriating; the notion that the government might be spying on his home, his castle, was as repulsive as having his mail opened.
  ``They might be doing that, too! Government! Three-fourths parasitic and the rest stupid fumbling -- oh, Harshaw conceded that man, a social animal, could not avoid government, any more than an individual could escape bondage to his bowels.  But simply because an evil was inescapable was no reason to term it "good." He wished that government would wander off and get lost!'' [Robert A. Heinlein, ``Stranger In A Strange Land'', pp.94-5]

• >>Von ihm aus konnte die Regierung auswandern und verlorengehen!<< [Robert Heinlein, Fremder in einer Fremden Welt, S.152, Bastei-Lubbe]

• Web Of Distrust
  ``According to the former head of Romania's secret police, Ion Mihai Pacepa, there had been ten million microphones in a country of twenty-three million people.  That would mean that nearly everyone had been listened to and then blackmailed into listening and reporting on others.  A maze of psychic tunnels led from one person to another.'' [Andrei Codrescu, "The Hole In The Flag", pp. 21-22]

• Here is a story from WW-II -- maybe true -- interesting in any event.

• ``Humans are incapable of securely storing high-quality cryptographic keys, and they have unacceptable speed and accuracy when performing cryptographic operations.  (They are also large, expensive to maintain, difficult to manage, and they pollute the environment.  It is astonishing that these devices continue to be manufactured and deployed.  But they are sufficiently pervasive that we must design our protocols around their limitations.)'' [Network Security / PRIVATE Communication in a PUBLIC World by Charlie Kaufman, Radia Perlman, & Mike Speciner (Prentice Hall 2002; p.237)]

• ``The people will again respect the law when the law again respects the will of the people.'' [Jim Ray -- Campaign '92]

• ``... In Germany they first came for the Communists and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.  Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.  Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.  Then they came for Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.  Then they came for me-and by that time no one was left to speak up...'' [Pastor Martin Niemoller]

• ``Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex.'' (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.) [Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971); from the fortune program]

• ``Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.'' (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.) [from the fortune program]

• ``It is not enough to be industrious; so are the ants. What are you industrious about?'' [Henry David Thoreau, from the QOTD mail list]

• ``In the 60's, we got login names. Those worked really well to identify me to my computer. It is a false assumption that the same names work to identify me through the computer to you.'' [Carl Ellison, 1 Feb 2002]

General quotes (and sigs)

• ``The horizons in science fiction were limitless, and the excitement of outer space, of time travel, of the far future seemed a continually unsurpassable delight.  It was the pleasure of magic combined with the discipline of science.  It was just enough of a slipping of bonds to give freedom, and not enough to seem folly and anarchy.  It was the use of imagination to give the effect of a roller coaster loop-the-loop with the use of the laws of nature to keep you on the track and bring you safely home.'' [Isaac Asimov, In Memory Yet Green, pt.15, ch.3]

• ``Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction'' [bumper sticker]

• ``Don't blame me! I think I voted for Gore.'' [alleged bumper sticker, November 2000]
• More alleged bumper stickers from the 2000 election.
• ``186,000 MPS -- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW'' [bumper sticker, from the days of the 55 MPH speed limit]

• ``Nuke the gay minority whales for Jesus'' [bumper sticker seen by Ed Carp.]

• ``Reality is not optional.'' [Thomas Sowell]

• ``Whenever I feel like an 18 year old, there's never one around.'' [unnamed, flirtatious college professor; c/o Melissa R Hirshson]

• ``The quantum mechanical answer to `if a tree falls in a forest and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?' is that trees don't fall in the forest with no one there to hear them. ;-)'' [Will Kinney]

• ``Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty little girls?'' [Greg Miller]

• ``There are those who are born UNIX; Those who are made UNIX; And those who become UNIX; For the kingdom of heaven's sake.'' (Matthew 19:12) [Stuart Yeates]

• ``Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.'' [H. L. Mencken]

• ``People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered. Love them anyway.'' [Pam Mott, quoting someone else ???, in a sermon 5/25/03.]

• ``I'm so glad that that thorn bush has roses.'' [Pam Mott, sermon 5/25/03.]

Unattributed One-liners (from the net)

• Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.

• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

• Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

• Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

• Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

• Do not regret growing older; it is a privilege denied to many!

Family Quotes

• ``Officer!  Officer!  Arrest that man!  He's whistling a dirty song!'' [Jean]

  • ``Officer!  Officer!  Arrest that man!  He's whistling a copyright song!'' [Improvement by Prof. Paul Ward, Waterloo, 5/30/2002]

• ``Father, why do you get so upset about Senator McCarthy? You're not a Communist.'' [me]
  ``Today it's Communists.  Tomorrow it'll be Swedes.'' [Carl, Sr.]
• ``Never look a gift Trojan in the mouth.'' [Sally]